I can't believe this actually happened. I feel like my posts have been downers lately… and I wish I had more positive things to share. This just kicked me right in the teeth…

Last weekend, we were enjoying music and decorating for the holidays as a family. My right ear started ringing so loud…and about an hour later felt "full" and I realized I couldn't hear anything. I thought maybe I had an ear infection or something, and might need antibiotics. Fast forward several days and a visit to the ENT and an Audiologist – they think I suffered a viral infection on my auditory nerve that has permanently damaged my hearing. Or it was caused by my autoimmune disorder, my body attacking itself. Whatever caused it, the damage is done. I can hear normal talking and above, but I've lost a good portion of my hearing. The tinnitus is still there, and blocking out a lot of what I can hear. I need a hearing aid. WTF.

I know there are so many worse things, and thankfully this is not a direct threat to my life…but FUCK. Why?? I've been sitting with this feeling for days now…and I'm so, so sad. And angry. I guess I'm starting to cycle through all the stages of grief.

I'm on a high dose of steroids for the next two weeks to help calm down my highly inflamed auditory nerve. The doctor says my hearing won't come back, and will get worse over time. I don't want to believe it. A tiny part of me says….what if he's wrong? Maybe it will come back? So instead of getting a hearing aid mid-December, I'm going to wait a little longer, until after New Year's.

I hope all of ya'll are doing well. Chime in and share what's going on in your world. I appreciate the love and support, and will always pay it forward. <3

xoxo
GUC