That’s right, Planeteers!  Time for another action-packed review with your ‘ol pal EG.  Don’t get to do a lot of these nowadays, but this IS the Planet X, and people need to know shit about shit!!!

I travel all over and tend to keep my eye out for anything that might be in the color of the things we enthuse over in my wanderings.  About a month or so ago, I was in the local Haji’s fine establishment and saw a case of these jewels nestled in with the ubiquitous energy shots. 

Drink.  Relax.  Be happy.  Sounds like just the thing, right?  I figured it’d be worth a go (purely for research purposes, of course), so I plunked down some wampum and took a chance.  Having a little time off work, I’d taken the gamble on enjoying a little greenery over the holidays, so didn’t get around to this until recently.  Back at work now and always on the road, so the greenery option is now not-so-much (if I get in a wreck, it’s DT time, and had a bit of a scare over that recently, so I’m not looking to spin that particular wheel).  Got home after a week on the road and sat down to play some STALKER and consume a few frosty beverages this weekend.  I was tired, worn out, and stressed as usual.  Remembering this little bottle that had been rolling around my desktop, I decided to give it a go. :sly:

Shook it up real good, figuring that things had settled a bit.  Oh yes…there will be sludge!  Got it mixed up pretty well, although there was a rather nasty-looking ring around the top (might have lost a little potency there, for future usage I think I’d run a pinky around it to break it up a bit).  Flavor…not so much.  Not quite liquid ass, but I’d describe it as a slightly berry flavored cough syrup.  Bleech!  Oh well, down the hatch.

Wasn’t quite sure what to expect.  As hard to believe as this may be, I’ve not tried the big K before despite so many others’ glowing reports.  My thought was that there must be something to these if they’ve made it to such retail popularity though, so it was a convenient introduction.

After a bit, I did cop a bit of a buzz, I’m happy to report.  A bit of a flush in the face, and I did notice a little nervous leg-hop, despite my state of exhaustion, which I can only attribute to the effects.  It wasn’t very strong, but definitely there.  A positive change to the headspace.  I’d go so far as to venture a guess that a few of these might chill one out right nicely.  At the exuberant price point however, that is a highly dubious proposition.  That would make it 20 or 30 bucks to get halfway blinkered, which is a bit steep IMO.  Of consideration is that I am what we call around these parts a ‘big ol’ boy’ of around 220# at the moment, so stick-people might feel more of a punch.  "YMMV".  (No offense intended, stick-people Planeteers.  My heart burns with jealousy for your low per-pound dosage thresholds.)

Active ingredients are listed as Kratom, GABA, Caffeine, Passion Flower Extract, Yerba Mate, Theobromine (Raw Cocoa Extract), Green Tea Leaf Extract, and Kola Nut Extract.  Overall, I don’t think I really question that too much, the effects seem more or less in line with such a formulation.

I’d have to say that I’d recommend curious Planeteers give this a try if faced with a scarcity of other options or a pocket full of money burning a hole.  Overall rating:

If it’s good enough for Hitler, it’s good enough for you, untermenschen und unterfraus!  Looks like there are a variety of these available from various sources, Viva Zen looks like a primary competitor in the same market space.  There appears to be no shortage of this type of thing around.  One well-known vendor of historic reliability is LHS if one wants to do the mail order route, although it seems that these are in about half of the gas stations I see nowadays in one form or another.

At any rate, there you have it.  My take on the anti-energy drink phenomenon.  Needs more oomph IMO, but not too shabby for a widely available OTC product.  Screw the shots, this should be sold by the fifth (or pints, at least, at a much more reasonable price point).  I’ll give it 2.5 out of 5 boogiefied broccolis, abridged to 3 boogiefied broccolis for visual representation due to unavailability of half a boogiefied broccoli gif.

:broccoli :broccoli :broccoli