He is in the ICU. He died and they barely brought him back.

It’s been really tough. It’s been scary. He had over 300 seizures. His blood pressure was almost non-existent for 6 hours.

Wednesday night, I was just over there until 10PM talking to him about plans. I was planning on moving in with them and pooling resources until we could all get by more easily again…. then I message him at 8:20 AM asking how he is, call him, text him, tried to contact him like 300 times through every method. When I didn’t get any reply by 9:30, I had to find out what was going on.
I knew something was wrong, I could tell. I didn’t sleep the night before even. I had a gut feeling all night something was wrong.
You know what he was doing all night? Writing a suicide note. I got to his house at 9:45AM and found him on the couch barely breathing surrounded by 5 empty pill bottles and a fucking note.

He took over 90 blood pressure reducing meds (beta blockers) and 2 bottles of sleeping meds, along with some other stuff.

The only reason he is still here is they flew in an experimental drug to flush his system. They had him on 5 different BP pressors and they couldn’t make his BP or Heart rate go up
He just kept having seizures and dropping BP after each seizure. It was terrible to watch. It was 7 fucking hours we were in there with him crashing and them doing everything to keep him alive.

It was the worst thing I will ever experience, I hope. 7 hours and they couldn’t bring him back. Everyone said he had no chance.
Even the experimental med, they said that it would likely just make him crash and die because it would clear out all the BP pressors as well as the stuff he took.
So he would drop out when it was injected. They injected it then his heart stopped and they did CPR and paddles and he came back…… and they put the pressors back in, then his BP went up
and 20 minutes later he stopped seizing. The doctors said he will still likely be brain dead after the severe lack of oxygen for so long to his brain.
Then they wheeled him up to the ICU.

and yesterday morning… 2 days later…. he woke up!

He isn’t normal yet. He has a lot of recovery to do.
The breathing tube just came out a couple hours ago and he has been breathing well without it. His throat is just really sore and swollen so he is snoring when he breathes. even awake.
They’ve been keeping him under sedation since he had the tube out because he’s very combative. He kept trying to kick himself off the bed and doesn’t want to be there, coming in and out of sleep.
Even with the sedation, he sits there with his eyes closed, shaking his head no, then tried to take out his IVs and catheter.

But, when they get rid of the sedation, he is awake. He is trying to talk. He understands everything. He moves all his extremities
I believe he can’t talk because of the swelling in his throat. He snores when he breathes, so his breathing is still really messed up, but his oxygen saturation is staying really high and his breathing is strong.
He has said our names and a few other things. When he can croak it out around the pain/swelling.

He is still really heavy lidded as well when off the sedation. He will open his eyes and look around he will point at things that hurt. Then he will close his eyes again. He gets really angry and frustrated right now not being able to communicate well
and he hates being sedated, but they have to do it for his own good because he wants to rip out all his sensors and IV and catheter and get off the bed. Though there is no way he could actually stand or get up.
He still wants to and fights so hard to. He is still really strong and could get off that table without sedation… and fall on the floor. He was pushing nurses around.

Now he is just doing really shitty in the hospital. He doesn’t want to be there. He is shaking his head. Angry. I think he would rather be gone right now and is mad we brought him back, for now. He’s not gonna get off that fucking easy, though.
He really hates this whole thing and that is really hard to deal with and watch too. I have to keep trying to tell him to keep calm and that he’s doing really well… then he keeps shaking his head no.

He still can’t really talk. he can say a word or two if he really yells it and tries hard. His throat is really messed up right now after the breathing tube. It’s more like croaking at the moment
He’s in pain, but can’t be given pain meds. It’s been really tough I hate watching him suffer and fight
I’m still in shock. from him doing it, from him being still alive, and from dealing with all his despair at the moment. It’s all just crazy.

I had to go get an ECG and blood work today because of what the stress has been doing to me. Came back normal (for me). I always have an abnormal ECG, so I always warn the docs. (I have a really strange heart condition. I get a lot of vasoconstriction often).
But, my vitals are all good, chest xrays look good, blood work looks good…. so It’s gotta be mostly the stress.  I wasn’t able to eat for 3 days. I just ate today after they got the tube out and he started waking up.
I haven’t slept more than a few hours since Thursday either.

I’m going back to the hospital tonight to spend the night with him again. I spent the night last night as well. My mom is there right now with both of my brothers. She will leave, though, for the night and I don’t want to leave him alone overnight.
I’ve barely slept in days now, but I have to be strong and do what I have to do.

This has been a rough fucking road.

My dad is doing amazing, though, considering.

He should not be alive right now, with what he went through. And he is still there. No strokes. He still recognized everyone. He can still move all his limbs. It’s a miracle. It’s like 10 miracles.

To all of you who knew, and send prayers/positive thoughts, we all really appreciate it. Thanks so much.