…and I says to myself, "Self", I says:

And so sure enough, I go chill for a few and see what's up, ya?  But then there's a knock at my door, and it's my mailman Mr. McFeely.  Says he's got a speedy delivery.

And I'm like "Bruh. Sweet. This can't be possible though, right?"  He explained that utilizing the latest physics breakthroughs discovered deep within the bowels of PRC Research's Interspatial Acquisitions department, it is now possible for our soon-to-be-patented TransGalactic AI to actually know what you want before you do with a 99.993587% probability of a correlative match.  Thus, it may seem that the instant one clicks 'send', the order is miraculously fulfilled. 

(We had to enslave an entire lower dimension of beings to make this happen, but really: no price is too high for a mere few billion quasits existing only in 1 and 3/5ths dimensional space to pay for our convenience, in the grand scheme of things.  It's really their fault for choosing to exist in fractional dimensional space instead of whole interger space like everyone else.  I mean, who DOES that, right?)

All multidimensional tomfoolery aside, out from this magnificently-packaged-as-always box springs a slim little battery unit from our good friends at Mythology, who have historically brought us… a lot of other awesome shit: The Hermes:

About the diameter of a cigarette (or so it seems, it's been awhile since I've smoked!), so that feel is pretty familiar.  Rather HANDy, one might say.  Nice silky wrap, which has the slightest texture to it.  (Life is in the details, you fucking amphibians.  Appreciate the little things!)  This little dude is packed with functionality though, with 5 voltage steps and a 2 click warmup.  RGB LED is perfect for those who need RGB to get a few more FPS from their gaming rig, or also those easily amused by pretty lights.  There's probably a venn diagram there somewhere…

…but I digress.  Paired with this slim powerhouse is a Liberty X5 cart, which represents some highly evolved cart design features.  Not to be confused with the V2 Rocket:

Nonono.  No captive Nazi scientists were involved here.  No, it's allegedly from the engineering minds at Itsuwa, or so the Patent claim reads.  The tank and ceramic wick are completely separated from the battery connection socket well.  Crucially, and I cannot begin to stress how important of an evolutionary step this is (really, we're talking lets-try-walking-on-dry-land scale shit, here):

THERE IS NO FOOLISHLY PLACED VENT HOLE TO LEAK YOUR PRECIOUS LAST 0.5ml OF OIL OUT ON YOUR NEW FUCKING SHIRT.

I mean, you would think this would be a no-brainer, but it would seem that it took a couple of decades in cart evolution for this to happen.  At one point, there was a meeting, and a very bright engineer said "guys…maybe we should try NOT making the failure mode "dumps all your shit everywhere?…"

Next thing ya know, I'm holding this dense little doomabobber made of pyrex and shiny metal mounted atop a green Mythology Hermes, ready for liftoff! 

https://www.itsuwacig.com/cbd-tcore-tank/x5/

(Note to self: perhaps there are more similarities between V2 and X5 than previously thought.)

Is this the chosen one?  Will this humble unit be the non-leaking tank that was foretold?

I am pleased to say…loved it!  Both battery and cart performed well.  Battery gives a good day's worth of puffing away between charge.  Not heavy-duty, but well enough to get the job done robustly, and still keep that svelte design ethic.  I do like that form factor.  With the 0.5ml tank it seemed too short though, and I got a little of the same boiling hot pot lava action as with the similarly designed Smoant Pasito.  This was easily remedied by clipping an ink pen cap off at the appropriate length for a slip fit on the end.  Now I have a nice radiused 'drip tip' of sorts which prevents any unwanted oil boogers from being unexpectedly ingested by yours truly at the same time, so that's an all around win in my book.  As another bonus, the cumulative pass through makes some absolutely stellar MOON ROCKS.

Sometimes even the best technology just needs a little hand, y'all.

Starting off with the GC, I thought I'd sit down and grind on a PC game for an hour or so. 

Next thing I know, it's 3 AM and I'm covered in crumbs.  Maaybe just a little TOO much grind, ostensibly inspired by the GC lol.  Got that armor I wanted though, so it was all worth it.

GDP was more chilled as expected.  Both pack a similar punch.  PRC oil never disappoints.  This shit has changed my life y'all, and that's no exaggeration.

The Hermes/X5 is a pretty damn appealing hardware combo.  The overall aesthetic is slim but very solid, and the functionality is great.  Unlike literally all other setups before, I can say I've lost nary a single precious drop, and that is a wonderful thing.  It does need the stem cleaned out each fill up, but that's just a simple blowjob and maybe a rub with some alcohol to keep those little passages cleared every few days, so hardly a taxing maintenance burden.  (Also, MORE MOON ROCKS!)  Are the carts immortal?  I don't know!  I might be tempted to think they can function for rather more fills than previous designs, based on design principle.  I mean, it's got THANOS CORE TECHNOLOGY, motherfuckers!

Still loving my Boulder Viridian podstick, but the Hermes/X5 demands it's share of happy time action, and with a freakin' bulletproof design like this, that air time is well earned.  This really is a damn fine setup, from about every conceivable angle.

Funny story.  As with many things in life it seems, this post will end as it began.

I'd just stopped for a refill the other night, and put my trusty unicorn bottle in my pocket, intending to put it back in the fridge on my way through the house to snoozyland.  My stoney ass gets distracted, forgets to stow said bottle back in said fridge as was the plan.  Goes to sleep with the bottle still in pocket.  Toss and turn all night, wondering why I keep smelling weed.  Next morning, I walk through the house, realize there's an object in my pocket.  Pull out the bottle, and suddenly realize what's happened.  My last few mls just became one with my robe pocket while I slept, thanks to this horrendous mistake.  SQUISH!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATyx67YRvQ0  

Goddammit.  That's my favorite robe, too.

But that's my tale, and the verdicts I have to share with you, o brothers and sisters of the Lounge:

X5 Cart GOOD.  Hermes battery GOOD.  PRC Oil GOOD.  EG BAD.  BAD EG.  EG WASTE PRECIOUS OIL, MAKE ROBE STINKY.

And so now, here I am, sitting here in my cravat, once again thinking…