Hey all,

I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for years now and that included keeping my feelings locked inside a titanium shell that was unpenetrable to most. Well I happened to order some RC benzos and realized I held in my hand a way out in a peaceful manner (in my twisted mood it made sense). I took the entire 90 pellets, from various sites this would’ve been near 100mg xanax in terms of potency. I also had a drink to down it with, along with hydroxyzine, remeron, and some kratom tincture. My heart started pounding cause I realized that there was no turning back now and slowly drifted off to oblivion, hoping nothing bad waited me.

I woke up in the emergency room with a breather down my neck, and eventually was place on suicide watch for a few days, going cold turkey from kratom and vyanse. I felt like SHIT for days until about yesterday, and today I was free to go along with some proper meds to control the depression. Not sure if I will take them long term, but I’m going to start being more honest with my feelings, as my family didn’t really encourage it growing up and the loneliness I was experiencing was overwhelming.

Anyways, I’m back, with a brand new perspective of the fragility of life and how incredibly lucky I am. I thought I was dead when I gulped down all that shit, but I’m sure glad I"m not. This place has always been great to me and appreciate that! basically a year of lying about various shit broke me down completely and now that its on the table I feel 1000x better. NO physical damage, no mental damage, no organ damage (liver is working 100%).. how the hell it ended up this way idk.. but damn that shit has made me start guessing if there are forces around greater than this physical existence, not religious but just musing.

Couldn’t smoke weed cause of the anxiety of thinking of killing myself, but now that it’s over I could fucking use a goddamn joint lol  :toke: